finally! at long last

been so so long since i leave a post on my blog...

still stupid life...stupid ppl that piss me off...i duno...they jux sux...nth happy things happened recently...the only thing i can be happy abt is dear loves me...met a new brother named edward in maple...he's nice...and sensible...unlike some outrageous guys...that always have attitude problem and treat u nicely when they feel like too....and they truely sux...

here im in my emrs...things comes and goes...many happenings...with some ppl going for 1 hr lunch even during events...selfish i mux say.....wanto claim credit for everything yet when things cork up, they push things to u...although i know they have a reason to becox they are bz...bt so am i...but still dun understand y u cant talk to the customer when u can call me to remind me to call the customer... horrendously stupid...

missing some of my DBI pals...they are nice gals...dun like having such messy things..so pls if u wan a lasting friendship with me dun leaving a messy patch n wait for me to clean it up..becox given my character,i will jux look and walk away...

*** the things u do are getting on my nerves and seriously it irritated me alot...i shall nt say any further but watch it!

***musical box is so peaceful loving... but maybe im too sensitive and harsh towards alot of things... parying hard for a better tml...

there's smth that sux mre in this world... I SUX FROM HEAD TO TOE...Seriously hate living**** across my heart~

hurt by a relationship

sometimes i jux feel that in life it is jux so unfair...well i cant say im very and extremely considerate but i do care abt how others feel and think abt me...isnt it true that ppl judge u by ur way of handling things and ur behaviour?

been thru quite alot this year...first it was tonnes and tonnes of worries and fretting abt project...den friendship and more friendship problems....im beginning to see how ugly adult world is...is jux so upside down and not mature at all...im nt claiming to be mature...but have u ever encounter adults that are practically (nothing to say abt them sia) having such a big suck up attitude problem...they always think that they are right and yet they refuse to listen to wad others got to say...and the hilarious things is that many many of the adults in the world made up this kind...so far i have never seen a truely good adult that display righteous,caring and kind,big ambition yet humble with good upbringing...is that too much to ask for?there are plenytiful of traits that is revolving but wad i ux said is onli that little few....then again this pal of mine...

i thought we been thru so so many things...brave thru so hard handling relationship and many projects together...we pratically onli have each other to count on...yet...im doubtful against her...u may ask wad is the problem with me...becox sometimes talking to her is like talking to air...she wont give u a reply n refuse to tell u anything...so think how am i able to understand her?all i could do is jux be there for her and let her know im always there...i will be her shelter nt becox i pity her...becox i take her as a person more impt that myself...

she once told me things that her reaction might be...but sometimes i jux doubt so...sometimes she hurts me unknowingly n yet i still continue to smile at her...so now im jux saying i dun wanto be that noble anything...now that she has her own partner that will fork out time n effort for her...it quite a saddening thin when u treat others even more impt than urself yet on her blog she jux post a entry that say y do u keep asking n reminding me of him...when all i wanto know is her thinking her feelings and using strategies to make her happy...seemed like a lot of things have got unappreciated and left me hurt n i dun feel like walking down the road with her...

been bullied at work too...call abt 191ppl on the phone jux to ask the same question...but this is really nth becox all i wanted to get is experience...the main thing that irritates me is that my abilities are being doubted...so wad if i can finish the book in a day...does it matter?isnt is better?so it actually helps me at work and make life easier for the supervisor????i dun understand adults man...so shallow...first is they expect u nt to slack yet they acutally doubt u when u can finish the reading the book in a day when they didnt even finish half of it????life is jux so unfair...but i nv expect my life to get better...i jux wanto help others...those that really need my help...i would love to coach ppl..becox at the same time i will be learning from them too...learning goes two ways...my thinking may be like that for now so jux hope that when i grow up...these thinking will stay within me....

things jux happen that way

have been crying jux now...was hurt by a love one...but i will be ok...received my results liao...not too bad.. but gpa still low...hoping to get good grades...haha...in fact i was very happy to get back my result...i feel that i scored well...i worked so hard for it...den again dearie's result was not bad either...his gpa is back to how it was...clap clap...happy for me...but we quarrelled over it last night..

so many things happened...jux called to find out from nyp human link to see if there is any job avaliable for me...wanted to work really badly...not becox of the money...but jux to kill time...so indirectly im jux saying im bored...imagine if i get a job i have things to do and not so bored and IM EARNING MONEY!!! killing two birds with one stone...so nice..but somnetimes ppl jux think im crazy...who would wanto work if one can relax and stay at home and play games...maybe im jux dull....sobbies...

been wroking for onli 3 times but earned $112 le...guess i was some easy money bah..all i did ws be confident that's all...can u believe it?

ok back to nyp human link...i chose to work in asianmall,survey,researchplus den DBS...hope one of these will entitled me to a job...pay wise is $5.50 for asian mall, $6-15 for surveyor, researchplus i forgot le den DBS is ermmmm.... sry onli can remember is week end job...ok got it... the pay for DBS is $6 before training and $10 after training so i really wonder wad do they mean by that...

life has been pretty hard on me...but nv will i complain becox i have been thru the worsest...but my worsest is considered fortunate by some other ppl.. they are really hard up so i guess they really do deserve smth better...life cant be always so unfair...lalalala...and dun ever think im that noble! i also want ppl to be concern and care abt me too... but somehow i feel that i have been losing myself for these few years....being is kid is still always better... strange phenomen all ppl that been thru wad they think is hard they will wanto be a kid...lol...sighhhhhhhhh.....

emo

someone is always not fail to stress me out..duno y...sobbies...always like that de...sob sob sob...y like that one sia...sigh..stress stress stress.....nvm...she is no harm nt a threat...

jux celebrated my birthday few days ago on 31 aug...went out with my bestie...n jan of cox...i gt a new swiss watch n a mp4 oh! although duno how to use...T.T sianed...sad that so little ppl remember my birthday...but nvm...it's ok...

had a nice lunch for bday over at fish and co at amk hub...and den received nice nice present finally the lovely n most beautiful birthday i ever received...the cake tasted nice plus appearance totally 100marks...played pool again later on...but it was well spent with 2 best people in my life..


today ma...almost gt knock down by vehicles for a few times...was in a dazed...troubled by the present n past....psychological barrier..so best nt to ask,probe or talked abt it...was drenched today too...heavy rain...went to walk in the rain although gt umbrella...

kkz tt's all for today...nid to slp early n prepared for work tml...at 9.45am tajong pagar...hope wont be late..

guilt stricken

back again to blog....mind in a whirl....becox of someone....someone i dun wish to think of someone i dun want think...yet he keep appearing in my mind....it act really makes me feel so guilty towards jan....really cant concentrate on studies like that....tml i will die le...sure de...confirm die le....waiting for god of death to issue card for me.........................

Sorry dear...im an idiot and a stupid fool...arghhhh...all becox of him....i dun wish to see him ever again....

dying

today went to played pool with jan...was feeling sick today...sobbies....having a fever right now too....feel hot and cold therefore duno whether to wear a jacket anot...sob....then again today is not a fruitful day....studying is getting on my nerves....T.T.... maybe becox im sick and wants to play...now will be in studying mode till 10pm...10.30pm sharp will go to bed and wake up at 6.45am tml...this is for tml business finance exams...start at 8.30-10am....die still gt 2 dman tough chapter to study....need to practice too....envious of my friend...so good in studies and always so hardworking so she always have no worries...

today went to play pool with jan for 3 matches...saw abel anson and darren too...darren n anson ka jiao janson....darren is like that haha....but too bad...all of us are still nt yet close to play pool together...after that me n jan head to school to study and ve prata...den 6.30pm we went to play pool..left k pool at 7.30pm and rush home to study finance...im starting to get worried...hope all these exams will end soon...sian...gtg study liao...

friends....they make u go wow and wee!!!!

duno how many thousands year didnt blog le...guess i was busy haha.....to be honest i hate it when my friends keep saying me n jan will be having family and youth session...really dun like it...but i jux keep quiet and smile...well they are friends so jux smile and everything will be ok...jux had this damn exam last thur....it was like wow so easy sia...but nt saying im confident or smth but the questions is exactly the same as those in the revision tutorial...my god...word for word eh...and it took me 4hours to memorize everything maybe 18 pages???not bad huh?keke...actually i have been study quite hard for this subject (marketing management) nice subject to score...dun wan ppl to laugh at me saying...

wa lau school of business management ppl cant even score well for their management....as a matter of fact it is indeed hilarious if u think of it....jux watch this great show "jump in" on disney channel ( c'mon cartoons arent that bad)...these days there are many good movies coming out too...i wanna watch rush hour, secrets and also lisence to wed.... these are the ones that i feel is the damn nice shows.... secret is jux bcox jay chou is inside...man i love his song but his person i feel that so so onli ba...he should take part more in the drama series and be more active in the media AND DEFINATELY SHOW HIS FACE MORE ON THE TV SCREEN....

now now for exams... 1 down 4 to go....these 4 i have the least confidence in business law and also essrs( essential of retail studies)... another stupid joke of the day is that i am a retail student and yet the least confident subject is retail... this world is gnna turn topsy turvey...

back to my life on relationship
me n jan are ok these days probably jux becox he is stressed out so tend to say things which he will regret and most probably u will find me with a face as black as justice bao and walked away leaving him alone...but at least he tries to put things back in place...he still cheers me up... things will be so hard up if without his support...that's all i will say haha

back to the main topic of the day...friends...
havent u realised life start to get real boring with jux hanging out with ur partner....well at least im...for hanging out with him for the past one yr plus...dun get the wrong idea...im nt sick of him or smth...jux that... i do realise that i need friends...jux need their company spice things up a little..be cool have fun... but the barrier is that my friends jux also wan me and jan to hang out and refuse to hang out wiht us jux becox we are a couple... i feel really wronged becox i have friends that ask me this... dun u feel that u n janson are abit sticky with each other...as in hanging out every day with each other... c'mon sometimes i jux dun wanna hurt anybody feelings becox i know if i say it will get ugly...

that is mainly becox i dun LIKE ppl to say me n jan are very "close"as in physically... after school we are together during school also together... y cant ppl jux try to understand my feelings???it's their problem not mine...its they dun hang out with me jux becox jan is around...it is not as though i will go kissing him in public or smth...and that is nv NV EVER my style...so i guess i jux got denied of the chance...and yet they think that it is very akward to hang out with me n jan... but i ux feel that we can be jux like normal friends just like any other click...

i really miss those days that i hang out in click...it was so fun that everyone hang out together...got secrets we share...talk abt life....school...and disturbing all the ppl arnd....it has been so long...till recently bck to be more active with friends...

had a nice dinner after finishing a game of beautiful pool at kpool amk...my fav hangout...guess who i had dinner with? darren, abel and anson....in my eyes they are like F4 plus one more whcih is janson's friend called lin hao...all these guys have their own characteristic which i personally find them charming... * im not a flirt* im still loyal and remains attached to one single guy which i feel that he is the best and sweetest among those that i have seen...
maybe i should drop some detail abt them..as a group they really stands out...all charming and handsome...tall yet the height is reasonable for a guy... jokers they are yet know when to stop... endless of laughter like u will nv know when will they tear...every day is jux so happy so wonderful to them... they are the ones that in this lifetime...a click that attracts me so deeply... that makes me wanna be friends with them...

lin hao
nice, politely, doesnt really talk to me but he is sensitive...sensitive is a good thing in this case...he is such a nice guy becox that time i was in grasshoot pool with jan n his bunch of guy friends..he is thoughtful to tell his friends that im sian but acutally im not...it is jux that they nv how much i love to play pool...i can jux sit there whole day long jux to watch ppl play pool...

darren
a joker...love to argue with him too...his jokes are funny yet a abit cold so in lay man terms it is jux lame...nice guy too..good in pool..likes to disturb ppl...but there is this time he told jan hey go la wad are u waiting for christmas??? den i reply n said den where is my present..since it is christmas i should have at least a present ah.... felt really bad that day...becox darren stunned and he didnt know wad to say...but it is good to look at him stunned becox he seldom gt stunned...his name is jun hoe and from bowen...this dude here is very VERY VERY photogenic...so nice la...

abel
a guy that loves playing dota!!!!!!!handsome like the rest...the second quietest one...he will be the 3rd best player in pool i must say...still good..haha at least better than me... nice wavey hair too...shinning eyes...gorgeous smile...he jokes too...he is the one that in this whole lifetime..a guy that i first called handsome...i nv say anyone handsome b4...and he is the first...so how do i judge...based on 2 criteria... appearance and the inner self...this guy is one hell of a guy that girls will fall and go for..and believe me when i say so *winks*

anson
my fav!!!!he really looks like my ex...so i wont be able to jugde him personally without being biased i guess...he is memorizing....partially becox he looks like my ex...but seriously i didnt took note of him until jan ask me too...becox he is jan's friend friend...the quietest and fighting the best pool player in my eyes with darren..so cant really tell who is the best...this dude really dun talk much...he doesnt seem to play dota...doesnt have a blog...doesnt have friendster either...so it really makes me wonder wad is he doing de...i think his life is ux abt pool, friends and tv bah...

things jux happens....

been damn busy lately....so up to my neck till hardly any time for me to breathe....projects are hot on my heels...fri was a killer...i practically jux went on to do for 3 straight hrs of alertness....think many of my brain cells died...kinda have arguements with a friend...hope i know he wont blame it on me...same thing goes for me....

these few days really felt being watch...nt sure is it him anot....jux my guess...hope it is true becox i dun like to be kept in suspense....tested him out in business law to see if he was looking at him but apparently yes...catch his eye 3 times...after that was b4 mkt mgt tut....his friend told him to stop staring into space....hope all these are nt true yet true...so wad am i feeling....jux hope it is jux a crush on me....it comes and goes...nxt was that fri....the day needed to hand in mkt mgt project.was waiting for my dearest to arrive with the report...den saw him...he came to talk to me first...was feeling rather odd becox of the akward silence...den he tld me this sry i will be right back...that doesnt imply that he wants me to wait for him right?guess he run to get his appendix...den my dear catch his smiling at me while i was checking my report...let jux hope all these is jux me being too sensitive...nth else...gt to admit he has been on my mind since fri...hate to admit becox of that unknown person that keep looking at me makes my heart beat really fast at times...duno wad's wrong with me too....

efma i gt an A...way to go...but mkt mgt ica 2....i know gt detail missing....haiz...cant expect high for a last min work....my best friend was right....it's normal for me to make a boo boo some times....she is so understanding.....tml giving her a surprise....=) hope she will like....

days jux seemed to pass by quickly

wa!!!so many things happened for these past few days...at least everythin is back to normal..can concentrate better already...keeping fingers cross for all my projects..also heard that in year 3 onli have 1 ica...the rest all projects-.-...

this is like the first time i am handling so many projects...NE,business law, business finance, efma, ICT ( 2 projects), essrs (2projects), mkt mgt ( 1 individual project the other is group)....

duno y my retail group mates choose this company to work on....but hope everything turn out ok....image u presenting lingerine....abit weird....need to work on that like the trends for social,population and economy....den find out intratype and intertype....T.T like alot of work to do...

my best friend is being sweet by helping me do my french...she re do the e-assignment and then print for me n my bf too...imagine she can do 3 sets..wow! thank her anywae...that's very sweet of her...and she recently gt me a bag that i considered to purchase it anot for a long time....and bought chocolates for my boyfriend....she is indeed sweet right?

speaking of her...that day when we met up to do french...was hurt by her words...but all these is over...at least things are back to normal...i guess she is jux in a bad mood...like the r/s and stuff she needs to handle...and she gt very bad classmates...how nice is it if we were to be in the same class again...as long as we have each other, projects will be fun...and jux need maybe 25 hours. jux the 2 of us...we can complete the whole project ourselves...so each of us onli need to fork out 12.5hrs....remembering the days we went thru projects together....ah...nice days....

now speaking of my dearest...he has been abit bad tempered these days...but he nv fail to apologise...nt saying im right all the times..but i really jux wan him to be happy...cant bear to see or hear his sad voice n face...he ah...always like that...making mistakes all the time and complaining...but the thing is that he also know that he complain a lot...today jux had dinner with him after doing the survey... he is so caring n heart warming...i always like it when he doing things for me like carrying my bag (although i dun wan him to do that), pay for the food ( i dun bear to use him money so everything when he has no money i will give him all my money), wan mt to sit down and wait for him to come with the food( hope i wont be too spoilt by him)...all in all, guys are nt perfect..no one is perfect...jux need to look at the better side of him and i will always finds things still ok to bear with...this sweet hubby of mine also help me massage my back too oh....becox my bag is usually heavy...that's y my back hurts....

felt sad for my retail ica 1...hope to do better in ica 2...the teacher abit bias...

these days have been hearing alot abt guys...guys that dun take relationship seriously and jux out to have fun....really pity the gal....poor thing...when guys vs gals...gals always tend to be on the losing side...becox gals are more soft hearted of cox there are also some that are evil that run off with other guys too....

i jux feel that relationship are meant to be serious and committed...pure honestly...becox i admit once u own up it will be better for both parties where both parties can try to understand how each other is thinking and feeling...when problem arise, u may find it hard to say... but trust me..as time goes by, the the problem will be even more difficult to open the mouth...

so it is not that gals are unreasonable...is becox the time taken for each parties to communicate to each other is way too long...taking for eg the guys take abt 2 months and den confessed that he did wrong to the gf. of cox the gf will feel hurt and think y are u telling me all these now???...this is a serious case to prove gals are nt unreasonable...

i also believe in relationships, couples mux face the problems together...so start the relationship right by telling everything to her/him even if it means hurting him/ her...if it is things that u have drag for months or days...tell her/him that im telling u this now is to seek ur understanding...hope it wont be too late...forgive me for nt telling u earlier...these sentences do help... rather den u do nt say anything n jux blurt out everything...

heart broken

wonder wad did i do to deserve that...really wonder wad did i do....all i did was to put in my best effort in everything and this is wad i get....y does things always turns out this way?????

2 members did the excel for listed company and i spotted 5 mistake. another 2 members did the SAME thing and i spotted 3 mistakes...and one of them said that TBS says is using ac receivable/365 i went to prove them wrong to go ask them flip to pg 102 to the textbook to prove TBS is wrong and all i received is that ....

Angeline still want to find the day's sales..in the morning ask me go read textbook den i will understand y is net sales/365! lol. help me tell hehr lah...will vomit leh...

i mean we are doing a project what's wrong with that????wad did i do???jux saying out the mistake and back up myself with enough evidence that others namely TBS is wrong....he is not the teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!! hopelessly sad....

bad day today

today has been a bad day...last night slp onli 3hr den today wake up at 6 to go to sch and finish the touch up for the report. in the end was late for the presentation...was marked doen by 10 marks...my heart hurts over that 10 marks..realli hurts..
and the techer was shooting alot of question to me as im the first speaker.end up using 4 instead of 2..although i did more parts...feel guilty to a member of mine as becox of time constraint he need to conclude can cant present all of his slides... really apologise for it...it has been weighing down on me the whole day...felt sad about it...

drop hints to my bestie and ended up the teacher treat her class nicer...so nth much to say..so far so good for results. 22.5/30 for bfin, 25/30 for blaw, 27/35 for efma....

really dun have a gd feelin for retail....feel depressed abt it..i realli tried my best effort...

today is not exactly a nice day

today my best friend was sick =(
but she still came to school and meet me anyway...poor thing...she felt like vomiting and also feeling cold...so she waited for my lessons to start den she went home...

did my retail thing till 4pm and today was suppose to go to bishan and get some formal for my dearest...we tried doin the SWOT analysis and also the survey...although one group member wasnt exactly for the survey...and at least i manage to complete it within a few hours...so not too bad...got rejected once so far so quite ok...

finally the saddest part of all...someone who cares and protect u should make teir words credible..instead he did the same thing jux like any other guys would do...and even went a step ahead...right now duno whether to forgive him anot...besides i got alot of projects stacking up so not too sure if i gt time to handle him..

today also met a junior...used to dote her alot...but there is this fateful day i saw her on the street with her friend...i went up to say hi and yet all she can say is she seen a ghost...tt was definately too much and too hurting...i even promote her as a chairperson before i left secondary school...so much so for someone u promote and doted on...thus from then on i NEVER talk to her again...
so continue with the story...met her at the escalator in my poly today...didnt know that she came to this school too...i cant believe i smiled at her...how stupid of me...and again all she can do is jux show me that shocked face...n didnt even say hi again...

the past.....

sob sob...woke up at 11am today becox slept late ytd...first time woke up so late..since poly year 2 always wake up at 8am..love having breakfast with my best friend..always have it with her on every mon n tue...and thur we will have lunch together...enjoyed the times with her very much...miss her quite a lot eversince we separate our own ways...my school management is this year 1 with be in same class...year 2 all different courses...sadly im in different course with her...but consolation is that im in the same class as my bf..

remembering the times so much that we did everything together...do projects jux need the two of us in the group sure everything goes well...so far she is the onli one that can partner with me and i feel good with doing things with her...she is so smart and capable...want her to be happy too...

recently i know she is suffering from heart break by some jerk...kinda two timer her like that..isnt being with someone u love the happiest thing on earth?y do he still wanto think of some other gals when he is with her already?arent being loyal and true the way to find happiness? sorry but im not baised against guys but y do guys react this way?find new gals always...

im judging it like this becox i suffer the same heart break as her...

back to her,she is so lovely and i realli feel that she is a princess herself...always so helpful and i feel that she dun deserves this..cant believe i still doubt her...i feel so stupid unable to forgive myself...maybe she jux cant find a way in her heart to tell me all that is kept in her heart...she feel better blogging it...that's how i find out things abt her...a pretty big blow to me...hope she will talk to me like how she say things out on her blog ....

am i a friend?

now then realise this best friend of mine is so sad...i know she still hasnt gotten over her past relationship didnt know it was that bad...reading her blog makes me feel i hasnt been a friend enough what more abt a best friend?i always promise to be beside her and will always be supporting her...right now really feel like giving her a hug...dry her tears...let her know i will always be there...realli want her to tell me everything...but it's better for her to blog it out...no wonder always feel that she is a bit distance from me..always wondering what is she thinking of...given my character, this stage i will natrually guard against her...but now come to think of it abot stupid...she will be protecting me n not hurting me..y should i guard against her...it's so bad to her la...felt guilty...